SAHM

Its been 2 years since I started being a SAHM, though not really a full time one.... I am still on stand-by for work and does paper work at home... But well 80% of my time is still spend on my 2 angels so I still consider myself a SAHM... hehe.... It was not really planned for, in fact I never thought I would really be one... But it just happens.... As days goes by, I really enjoyed it... Afterall I always think spending quality time and bonding with the kids is very very important especially in their early years.... I enjoyed being there seeing how they grow and witnessing all their milestones....

Claudia was a difficult baby, untill e recent months, she was cranky most of the time, she refuse to eat semi-solids, she cry and cry all the time, she refuse to sleep at night..... It was really torturing for me to hear her cries constantly and not knowing wat she wants, I felt so restricted and helpless, felt tat I loss my own life bcos of her......I ever regreted having her... now feel so guilty for ever having tat thought :(

Now that she is older and able to talk and reason a bit... life is getting better... Though she still throw tantrums from time to time but I have learn how to handle her better.... and really grow to love her more and more.... Daddy no longer say I show favoritism and love Evan more... haha....

Being a SAHM gives me a kind of satisfaction that working cannot give me.... Though part of me craves to go back to work, to get away from this routine life as a yellow-faced woman, to have more spending power..... but the motherly part of me always manage to convince me that I am not making a wrong choice now :) I have no idea how long will I continue but for now I still enjoy being able to cook and care for them myself..... Seeing how Evan enjoy his mummy's cooking and his daily "I love you Mummy" can really melt my heart....No matter how tired I was at the end of the day, seeing them sleeping soundly in the bed always give me contentment.....

And I really thank my mum for being my support, taking over Claudia whenever I need a breather and some Me time....